A letter to Grandma

To my Dearest Ah Ma,

I'm sure you know what's in my heart.What's in my mind. Where have you been these couple of years? Where are you now,Ah Ma? I'm constantly thinking about you. Your cute photo on my table is not the only thing that reminds me of your gentle smiles, your loving gestures, your adorable actions and most of all, your wise words.

Ah Ma,I miss you so much.

I still remember the phone call I made just a few days before you left us that year. The special phone call just for you. Little did I know that it was the final phone call between us. That was the best thing I did in my years of living in this cruel world. I'm not proud of who I am now but at least that day, I did the right thing by following my guts. Whatever that made me missed you that day, I thank God it made me call you. When Siaw Ku told me that you went around repeating to everyone about our conversation on the phone, I couldn't bear it but break down even more. She said you were so excited and happy that I called specially just to speak to you. Why was I so lazy to call home before? I should have called you more often. I should have told you I love you more. I should have stayed home with you and massage you more. I should have hugged you tighter and never let you go.

Ah Ma,I miss you so much.

You taught me how to let go. You taught me what it means to love but not to have. You taught me the sacrifice one has to make for loved ones. You taught me the grace and forgiveness one could afford to give. Ah Ma, you taught me well.......

I was reading a book and a sentence I read moved me to tears. It reminded me of you,Ah Ma. I just want to talk to you, can you hear me?

Ah Ma,I miss you so much.

You must have known it all along that you were leaving us. Why didn't you hint it to me when we spoke? You gave me your favourite advice. "shiao Yin, you must do your best at work but take care of yourself. Don't work too hard that you forgot bout your health. Get along with the people around you, your colleagues, your friends. They're your family when your family is not nearby to protect you. Must eat properly ya. Find yourself a friend,ok?" You always repeated the same things. Oh, I would give up anything just to hear those gentle words from you again. I would give anything now just to touch your wrinkled face again.

Ah Ma,I miss you so much.

How are you doing up there? Is God really up there? Are you happy and content? I bet Ah Kong is cooking his best dishes for you. Tell him that I miss his 'salty veg and duck soup'. I know you can hear me, Ah Ma. But I hope you can't see me now though. I pray to God that I can see you in my dreams tonight. I want to hug and kiss your wrinkled cheeks just one more time, just one more hug, just one more kiss.

Ah Ma,I really miss you very much.